pancake bits

theworstthingsforsale:

The Fleshlight Motion is a little stand you put your Fleshlight in, so you can hump the stand. (The Fleshlight, of course, is a flashlight-shaped blob of sex jello that simulates a vagina.) I’m not going to hold it against anyone, man or woman, for busting a nut, but the thing about the Fleshlight that always gets me is the hygeine. If you look at the cutaway view, there are a million little crevices down in there. That’s gotta be like a petri dish. A petri dish you strap to a leather box and crouch over and fuck.

(The picture up there is the “mouth version” of the Fleshlight, but they have two other regular options, plus a selection of zombie and monster genitals in case you didn’t feel sad enough dropping yogurt in a regular pink Fleshlight.)

I apologize to you mouth-fleshlight owners, but whenever I see one I think of him: